I hope you are doing amazing and enjoying the brighter nights and more freedoms with the end to lockdown restrictions.
I am starting to find the idea of normality quite overwhelming. I'm excited to visit friends and family, I'm excited to go to the shops and eat at a restaurant, but I'm also really worried that all this inner work and self love I've been working so hard on and really feeling the benefits of has secretly all been down to not having to make excuses to not go to events or not feeling pressured to go to baby/toddler classes. In reality being at home is my comfort, but I really don't want to give up at the thought of being uncomfortable and use this as my chance to push myself out my comfort zone.
I took Lexi to Edinburgh at the end of April to meet up with friends for Lexi's friends birthday. This involved a train and a bus there, then a bus, train, bus and walk home. To most parents that might not be a big deal, to me it was the biggest achievement of my year so far. Public transport with a toddler is nerve wracking as it is, never mind adding the fact Lexi was in the midst of potty training and still prone to accidents, what could go wrong? I talked myself through all the things I thought could go wrong and then talked myself through what is the biggest problem if any of those actually happened. She has an accident? Take changes of clothes. She gets overwhelmed and unhappy on public transport? Take some distractions like a book, games on my phone and ignore anyone who has an issue with a crying toddler because it happens. I went to Edinburgh and we had the BEST day. We met our friends, the girls played, everyone was happy, no overwhelming moments and she even had an accident. I genuinely felt like I had accomplished something so big and looking back to trips to Edinburgh before the pandemic I would feel sick, sweaty hands, be snappy with Lexi over nothing and it was all down to being anxious over what ifs?
Do I think I have truly got over the anxiety of what ifs? Definitely not. I like to plan everything, it gives me a sense of security, but one thing I really have understood is that planning won't take all the unknowns and sometimes you can't control everything in your life and have to roll with the punches as they say. Since then I have had other days out with Lexi by myself, introduced Lexi to woodland toilets, haha, and also got back to driving which is something I didn't do through lockdown and has caused me nothing by anxiousness, again, for nothing. I even reverse parked into a space between two cars.
This year I have promised myself that I will continue to push myself. I want to meet new people, share my experiences and expand mindful mumma to more than what even I feel is possible, all while returning back to my souls self and how I want and should live.
I will be changing up the blog slightly and sharing more informative posts mixed with my own experiences that delve further into spirituality, being an empath, raising an empath and lots of mindfulness. I hope you'll return back and continue following this crazy world of parenthood with me.
Laura and Lexi